What is bullying?

Every bullying incident should be looked at individually. In some cases, children or young people may not be aware that their behaviour is actually bullying. They are perhaps modelling the behaviour of adults or other children and young people, not understanding that it is wrong because they have never been taught otherwise. In these circumstances, the intent to bully may not be present, but the impact and effect on the person being bullied will be no less severe because of this.

It must be explained to the person who is bullying that their behaviour is unacceptable and why. Intent is difficult to prove and young people can often reframe their behaviour as ‘I didn’t mean it’, when challenged. It’s more important to focus on the behaviour and the impact it had, rather than trying to establish whether someone acted deliberately or not.

Persistence requires that the behaviour has to take place more than once, however the impacts of bullying can often be felt after a single incident.

Bullying doesn’t need to be persistent to have an effect on the mental health and wellbeing of a child or young person. For those who have been bullied, the fear and anticipation of further bullying can affect their ability to be themselves and interact with others in a healthy way. Bullying behaviour, and its potential impacts on children and young people, should be addressed as soon as it arises. It is vital to respond to the behaviour that is playing out and the impact this is having, rather than relying on a rigid definition.

How persistence is viewed by one person - for example daily, weekly or monthly - may be quite different to how it’s viewed by someone else, leading to inequality and inconsistency of practice. It is unhelpful to wait and see if a pattern or repetition of harm emerges before taking action. Although bullying is usually persistent, a single incident can have a significant impact on some children and young people by instilling a fear that it might happen again.

We should always remember that children will tease each other, fall in and out with each other, have arguments, stop talking to each other and disagree about what they like and don’t like. This is a normal part of growing up and should be distinguished from bullying. However, where this behaviour is left unchecked, it can lead to bullying, making those being bullied feel afraid, uncomfortable and unsafe in their environment.

Bullying can affect people in different ways and this should be taken into consideration. If you are unsure if the behaviour is bullying, look at the effect it is having on the child or young person. If they are unable to respond effectively and regain their sense of self and control in the situation, adults need to intervene to help restore it. Keeping the focus on impact reduces the emphasis on issues of persistence and intent. What you do to take action about bullying is more important than how you define it.

All behaviour communicates feelings. The adult response should focus on identifying how someone feels and helping them to cope with and respond to those feelings in a healthy way. Children and young people may act out of character when they are being bullied, and changes in behaviour can be signals that something is wrong. We need to focus on what someone did and the impact that it has had.

Labelling children and young people as ‘bullies’ or ‘victims’ can be disempowering, or confer status, and are unhelpful in supporting them to change behaviour or to recover from the impacts of bullying. When adults can maintain focus on the behaviour itself and the impact it has had, rather than simply applying ‘labels’, it helps young people to understand what they did, why it was wrong and what is expected from them instead.

This allows space to be clear that the behaviour needs to change and to reinforce the behaviour you would like to see instead. This brings clarity and starts to build relationship with the young person, making it easier to address negative behaviour and, importantly, reward positive behaviour.

We know that children and young people will fall out and disagree with each other as they form and build relationships. This is a normal part of growing up and most children and young people have the ability to bounce back from this type of relationship conflict. It is important to discuss how they feel and help them to build the confidence and social skills needed to manage their relationships.

Similarly, bullying behaviour can sometimes have little effect on the person being bullied. A person can attempt to bully someone using a range of behaviours but, where it has had no impact, the person has not been bullied. Nevertheless, the behaviour still needs to be challenged appropriately and should not be ignored. For example, the use of homophobic or derogatory language, which may have no impact on the person it is aimed at, must still be challenged as the language itself is unacceptable and could impact on other people.

On the other hand, some incidents can be perceived as bullying when they are more serious and could even be criminal in nature. It is important to ensure that there is a clear distinction between bullying and other potential forms of criminal offences such as hate crime, child sexual exploitation and gender-based violence. For instance, when someone is coerced or pressurised to do something sexual or is touched inappropriately, this is not bullying. This is sexual assault or abuse and a form of gender-based violence. There are laws to protect children and young people from this very serious type of behaviour.

Similarly, hate crime is defined through the law as a crime motivated by malice or ill-will towards individuals because of their actual or perceived disability, race, religion, sexual orientation or transgender identity. A hate crime can take a number of forms that are potentially a form of criminal harassment and should be treated as such. Adults and children and young people can seek appropriate advice and guidance from Police Scotland if they feel a hate crime may have taken place.

For children and young people, online environments are social spaces where they can hang out and meet friends. Like any other place they visit, there are benefits and risks. Adults need to engage with children and young people about where they go online, by taking a real interest, just as they would when they go into town, the park, or to any other ‘real’ physical place.

But online bullying, or ‘cyberbullying’ as it is often referred to, shouldn’t be treated any less seriously than other forms of bullying. It is still, in essence, about behaviour and impact. The behaviour can be very similar but it takes place online, usually on social networking sites and online gaming platforms. It can include a person being called names, left out, threatened or having rumours spread about them. Addressing online bullying should be included as part of the whole anti-bullying approach, not as a separate area of work or policy.